why ilene…why i lean

to lean:

1 a : to incline, deviate, or bend from a vertical position
   b : to cast one’s weight to one side for support
2    : to rely for support or inspiration
3    : to incline in opinion, taste, or desire
Why I lean.  I lean.  I can’t do this life alone.  Sometimes dealing with the day to day of relationships does me in.  Relationships are tough!  I lean on Him.  He is my strength.  He is my hope.  Who is He?  He is God, Jesus, Creator, Sustainer, Father…I could go on and on.  He goes by many names and  He remains the same.  I lean on Him.  I talk to Him.  (Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.  I Peter 5:7, NLT).  I tell Him all my woes and worries.  He hears.  He has kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book (Psalm 56:8, MSG).   In this I hope.  I lean.
Why Ilene?  I am writing this blog anonymously.  I needed a psuedo-name.  Really I just decided to choose a name that starts with the letter ‘I’.  Ilene means ‘light’.
Why anonymous?  I want to write without reserve.  Be honest.  Share my heart.  Share my life.  And in doing so I hope to shed light on the reality of life’s difficulties while pointing others to my source of strength and hope.  Call me shy or maybe even insecure.  Relationships are tough!  Did I say that already?  I am mom to several and wife to one, sister to 3, daughter to more than originally intended.  I love my loved ones but how they push me to my limits.  Just today I told Him, “I can’t do this!  Not today.”  Feelings of wanting to escape.  Days are many my husband is careless with words and tone that wound.  It’s dealing with these relationships that pushed me to seek an outlet…I love to write.  Oh, but I love them!  Protecting them proves me fierce.  It’s sheltering them from judgement by others that  caused me to decide on staying anonymous.  It’s being honest and open with others (because you’re facing tough relationships too, right?) that made me decide on a public outlet.  A safe place to vent and focus on Him.
Will you journey with me as I lean?



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