now

To live in the now.  Why is that so hard for us?  Tomorrow is not promised to us, yet we are always longing for what is next.  Yesterday is gone, never to return, and we can’t let it go.  Today is here.  It always is.  It is always Today.  Today I read a blog about a Sandy Hook mom who lost her daughter in a senseless shooting.  It hits me again…live in today.  Be in the moment.  Respond in ways that you would if you were judging based on hindsight.  A few times lately I’ve said to my husband, “When you’re on your death bed will you wish you had played more video games, etc.?”  Hoping to encourage him to choose time with our kids over meaningless activities.  Maybe I need to ask myself a similar question.  You know, just to keep my perspective.  I could get a tatoo…on your deathbed.  Hmm, maybe not.  What can I do to make it stick?  It seems no matter how many times I read or hear of a heart-tearing story it doesn’t stick.   To actually live in today, today?  Keep reading those stories.  Keep my heart softened to the fact that I don’t own next week, or my kids’ lives.  But, maybe it’s also a matter of forming new habits.  I’ve started making more of an effort to never answer someone without looking at them.  You do it too, right?  While sitting at the computer…doing dishes…reading…whatever the task.  Replying without turning your head.  What if we make eye contact for just that brief moment while saying yes or no?  It’s one more moment of connecting with our precious offspring.  It’s one small step in the right direction I think.  A new habit.  The repetition starts to make it stick.  Time grows us up.  I just want to get it before I’m not a mom to little ones anymore.  When I only have grown-up people calling me mom.  Thank you Alissa for sharing your heart.  For letting us see into such a deeply personal experience.  May we not dishonor the sharing by going away unchanged.

 

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